It is true what marriage experts – family counselors, psychologists and psychotherapists – have been saying all along: that love is not enough to hold a marriage together.

A marriage counselor said that love has to be nurtured because it wears pretty thin when other elements are not present.

Besides love, what other things keep a marriage together – the kind of union that gives the couple the marital blessings of happiness and fulfillment? Maturity and the gift of expressing what you feel, the ability and willingness to share responsibility, compatibility, and the intelligent way of handling and spending money, exerts point out.

And, yes, the acceptance of the realities of married life and making the best of things that cannot be changed. And just as important is learning not always to listen to the marital advice of relatives and friends. They could be well-meaning, but some of their advices are “old wives’ tales” that do more harm than good to a marriage.

Do not believe what they say: that your husband knows what you feel because he loves you. Your husband cannot read minds – not even yours. Telling him of what you feel and what you need paves the way to mutual understanding and intimacy. Otherwise, misunderstanding and discontent that haunt both of you (because you are not honest with your mate) can drive your marriage apart – eventually.

Sometimes, some little white lies to boost up a mate’s self-confidence can contribute much in strengthening marital relationship. On the other and, total honesty, the negative kind, can subvert a marriage.

Young married couples are almost always advised by older folks that to keep a marriage, they should “keep peace at all costs.” Today’s marriage counselors say otherwise. One marriage adviser said that one of the best ways to kill a marriage is for the couple to stop relating honestly and begin harboring resentment. He further stated that conflict is one of the ways for differences to be brought out into the open and worked out. When problems are not dealt with, the couple grows apart until they are strangers.

Some young people get into marriage despite the fact that they are only too aware of each other’s weaknesses with the hope that they can change each other. Forcing change on your spouse only leads to frustration and anger, which can destroy a marriage.

Young couples are also often told to “keep their independence” to pave the way for “individual growth.” Marriage authorities say that this sounds like good advice, but can be “destructive when carried to the extreme.” Husbands and wives should not forget that one important element of marriage is dependency. It is okay to lean on each other sometimes. After all, that is what marriage is all about.

Children are, of course, among the joys of married life. But family life experts warn that it is not always true what one other old wives’ tale says: That a baby will bring couples closer. Unless a couple are emotionally and financially prepared for it, a baby can tear a couple apart if the marriage does not have a solid foundation. A baby brings with it responsibilities as well as sudden changes in the parents’ lifestyle that may affect their union.

And sex?

Love and sex are important parts of marriage. Family counselors, however, say that couples should not always expect every sexual encounter as a glorious experience.

Often it is the wife who finds lovemaking has turned into a chore. Experts say that the smart wife can easily solve the problem – when she starts to regard the bedroom as a place where she can love and be loved, give and receive pleasure (and then) discovers, to her delight, that she is rarely tired of lovemaking with her husband.

Tags: Family counselors, Marriage experts, Psychologists, Psychotherapists